I haven't posted about my trichotillomania in quite some time.
In fact, the last time was in May when I mentioned I had just gone through a bad episode of pulling.
I was struggling with the pulling of my eyelashes and eyebrows.
I was embarrassed, and I was determined to make a change.
If you've ever seen my old pictures,
I had no eyelashes or eyebrows.
There have been times when I have had absolutely none at all.
For a person who used to get most compliments about my eyes,
hurting myself by ruining my best feature really tore me apart.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to stop, and I lost touch with myself.
This is something I've been dealing with since I was 16,
and this last May—something broke free within me.
Since that last post in May, not only have things changed, but life is different.
In every way.
I wouldn't say I'm completely "cured" from my trich.
Not my any means.
But it doesn't haunt me the way it used to.
I get emails on a daily basis that ask,
"What is your treatment? How do you do it?"
My answer has one response.
See, I've tried every remedy in the book.
Counseling. Anti-depressants (several kinds). Psychiatry. Hypnosis. Acupuncture. Exercise. Wearing gloves at night so I don't pull.
Nothing seemed to do it.
So I turned to the one place where I wasn't in charge.
I began to pray.
In September, though I still dealt minimally with the pulling,
I had a life-changing experience at our church's Encounter.
There was a period of anointing, and a healing tunnel.
I went through that tunnel of outstretched hands.
I lifted my own hands and cried out, asking for forgiveness, healing, and peace.
I let everything out that was bottled up inside of me,
and gave myself over to Him.
It's amazing what can happen when you let go.
I still have the occasional urge to pull, but it's not anything like it used to be.
I don't sit in front of the mirror for hours every night, analyzing each remaining hair.
I don't watch TV with my hands glued to my face, tugging and ripping apart my eyebrows.
To be honest, I don't even really think about it anymore.
And this isn't something that I did.
I could not have done this alone.
I've been putting off writing this post,
in fear that some of you would turn your backs on me.
In fact, almost every time I write a faith-based post,
followers scatter. Criticism rises. I become a target.
But then I realized, why am I scared to tell you the truth?
I am not embarrassed. I am free.
And for those of you who are my brothers and sisters in Him, you will always stand beside me,
and I thank you so much for that.
No matter what your disorder, insecurity or faults may be,
know this—you are always loved.
And you know what else?
You can make a change.
Life is too short to suffer.
Embrace your mess. Say a prayer. Set yourself free... make that change.
Mark 5:34 "He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'"