I haven't posted about my trichotillomania in quite some time.
In fact, the last time was in May when I mentioned I had just gone through a bad episode of pulling.
I was struggling with the pulling of my eyelashes and eyebrows.
I was embarrassed, and I was determined to make a change.
If you've ever seen my old pictures,
I had no eyelashes or eyebrows.
There have been times when I have had absolutely none at all.
For a person who used to get most compliments about my eyes,
hurting myself by ruining my best feature really tore me apart.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to stop, and I lost touch with myself.
This is something I've been dealing with since I was 16,
and this last May—something broke free within me.
Since that last post in May, not only have things changed, but life is different.
In every way.
I wouldn't say I'm completely "cured" from my trich.
Not my any means.
But it doesn't haunt me the way it used to.
I get emails on a daily basis that ask,
"What is your treatment? How do you do it?"
My answer has one response.
See, I've tried every remedy in the book.
Counseling. Meds. Psychiatry. Hypnosis. Acupuncture. Exercise. Wearing gloves at night so I don't pull.
Nothing seemed to do it.
So I turned to the one place where I wasn't in charge.
I began to pray.
In September, though I still dealt minimally with the pulling,
I had a life-changing experience at our church's Encounter.
There was a period of anointing, and a healing tunnel.
I went through that tunnel of outstretched hands.
I lifted my own hands and cried out, asking for forgiveness, healing, and peace.
I let everything out that was bottled up inside of me,
and gave myself over to Him.
It's amazing what can happen when you let go.
I still have the occasional urge to pull, but it's not anything like it used to be.
I don't sit in front of the mirror for hours every night, analyzing each remaining hair.
I don't watch TV with my hands glued to my face, tugging and ripping apart my eyebrows.
To be honest, I don't even really think about it anymore.
And this isn't something that I did.
I could not have done this alone.
I've been putting off writing this post,
in fear that some of you would turn your backs on me.
In fact, almost every time I write a faith-based post,
followers scatter. Criticism rises. I become a target.
But then I realized, why am I scared to tell you the truth?
I am not embarrassed. I am free.
And for those of you who are my brothers and sisters in Him, you will always stand beside me,
and I thank you so much for that.
No matter what your disorder, insecurity or faults may be,
know this—you are always loved.
And you know what else?
You can make a change.
Life is too short to suffer.
Embrace your mess. Say a prayer. Set yourself free... make that change.
Mark 5:34 "He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'"