Friday, September 27, 2013

This Isn't a Deal Breaker.

Trichotillomania, eyelash and eyebrow pulling
Jacket: c/o Joules

A couple years ago, I learned that my trichotillomania triggers were stress & change. Anytime I moved, changed jobs, classes started or ended, and began or ended a relationship—I had to watch out and be ultra-conscious of my pulling and try so hard not to pull. I never did very well with my attempts and always found myself without any eyelashes or eyebrows.

This past year, for the first time since my late teens, I've had much better control over my pulling. A couple months ago, I was even able to go just over 11 weeks without pulling a single eyelash or eyebrow. Lately though, I've been having a harder time. I haven't pulled any eyelashes, but my eyebrows aren't doing as well as I'd like. I don't have any blank patches, but parts of them are sparse. I think this whole move into the new house has thrown me for a bit of a loop and I've started pulling occasionally again.

But through everything—each trial—the one thing I've learned is that every day is a new day and just because I've been stuck in a rut of doing something before, doesn't mean I have to still do it. Just because I've pulled a couple (or a lot) of eyebrow hairs here and there for the past several weeks doesn't mean that I have to pull them all out again. This isn't a deal breaker. I may be down at the moment... but I'm not out.

I suppose this is my attempt to blog about it—to get it out in the open that I've started pulling again—and once again, a public affirmation that this disorder does NOT control me, WON'T hold me down, and I WON'T let it get the best of me. The pulling stops now... I can do this.

Matthew 15:28 "Then Jesus answered her, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed instantly."

33 comments:

Crissy said...

We can get past this! <3

Jennjilla said...

You've got this!


Thanks for helping me understand Trich more...I didn't realize what I was doing to my eyebrows was, in fact, that very thing. I appreciate your honesty very much!

Amanda @ Eloquent English said...

You can do it!!!! (: Just think long pretty lashy thoughts!

Allie Todd said...

You have such an incredibly healthy perspective on this... which I'm sure has taken SO much inner work to get to that point. It's so important to not get down on yourself because you've had a misstep... but to just learn and know that it doesn't define you. That you must keep going, keep trying, learn from mistakes, and celebrate the wins.
I've said it before, but you are one inspiring soul, Aunie xx

Hannah Scott said...

I'm proud of you for being able to admit this! Something that always comforts me to think about is the Biblical perspective of "perfection." We're commanded to be "perfect," but that doesn't mean without mistakes. Instead, it's a verb that indicates an ongoing process of improvement and growth. In this case, that growth is literal! I love that you have that mindset already :)

Emilie Bordeleau-Laroche said...

I really love your courage in telling everyone about it, and being so modest and strong about it. We all have our moments when we get down and we just have to pull ourselves back up! You can do it :)

Shannon Tatlock said...

The fact that you're acknowledging is a huge step in the right direction. You are in control Aunie, as always, I love your honesty.

Hannah Bunker said...

GIRL! Not even joking I was stalking your blog(s) yesterday for the posts you did on your pull-free bracelet to make myself one because it's been a rough go for me too lately. I even started writing a blog post on it last night. You have a great perspective. We might mess up but it's important to show ourselves grace in the meantime and not stay down. Let's kick this together! *high five*

Lauren @ Love is the Point said...

Aunie, you're so awesome. I so admire you. Thanks for sharing. You got this, girl.

Jennifer Baker said...

Hi hun! I'm in the same boat right now! We have talked about trich in the past (although it's been a long while) and I always find inspiration in your posts. Over the past few months, I had finally gained some control over my pulling as well and my eyelashes and eyebrows were finally thickening up. But over the past week or so, I noticed little spurts of pulling and wondering to myself what the heck was I doing?! But with our baby almost here (5 more weeks!), I have been stressing out over getting everything ready, etc, and I'm sure that was a trigger! It helps so much to be more aware and realize that it's not up to me to control everything. It's up to God! And that's the way I like it, anyway! Remembering to let go (both of my concerns and my hair!) and breathe and refocus has helped! Like you said, it's about taking it day by day. That's all we have anyway! Thanks for the scripture, too! That such a nice reminder! :-)

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

I think with anything like that you can experience highs and lows and right now you're just kind of dipping a little low. The fact that you recognize that is a great thing. And the fact that you're sharing it is even better. It holds you accountable and helps you to have a support system.


I can imagine that with the stress you've got with the new house it would be hard not to fall to old happens. But remember, you have a husband that loves you, family around you and all of us. Use your support system when you need to, that's what we're all here for.

Colleen said...

I am proud of you, I admire your strength, beauty and grace. I don't have Trich, but I have other things that happen with triggers and I know how hard it is to combat sometimes! I love you pretty friend and I am praying FOR YOU ALWAYS, even if we don't email about it anymore :)!

Annelise Rowe said...

Thanks Shannon. You know, despite my apparent lack of control for pulling, you're right, my control over my emotions and feelings is something I've never felt so powerfully about before. This is my time! Thank you so much for your support, Shannon!

Annelise Rowe said...

YOU GOT IT! I had my eyebrows waxed on Wednesday, and my esthetician was like, "girl you need to get back on the bracelet!" ... So if you do it, I'll do it with you!

Annelise Rowe said...

Thanks Lauren! Honestly, something about even just posting it gives me the biggest surge of courage and determination. So thank you so much!!! :)

Annelise Rowe said...

Oh, Jennifer I'm holding you so dear in my thoughts right now. I'm so encouraged to hear about all of your progress. So so encouraged!! It must be the upcoming baby... congratulations! So excited for your new addition. Pray hard, friend, and you will find the strength you need! I'm praying for you, too!!

Annelise Rowe said...

Thanks Krysten, and use you I will!! Daniel, as you said, has been so helpful through all of this. He watches me at night to make sure I'm not pulling. And you get it, the whole reason of posting is to keep myself accountable... it's a great way to say "Hey! I'm messing up! Help me stop!!" So thank you for seeing that, understanding, and being there to support me. I really, really appreciate you!

Annelise Rowe said...

Thank you, Colleen! You are so beautiful and such an encouragement to me!! I think about you often and love seeing your updates on instagram :) sending you an email right this minute!

Jessica Gemeinhart said...

Love how you struggle so honestly. I'm so, so sure this isn't it for you.

Kelly Ann said...

This coat is beautiful - not what the post is about but I love it!

xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes

Brittany said...

That's okay, girlfriend. Trich won't beat you. It never has and it never will. Keep fighting the good fight!!

Morgan Harper Nichols said...

Isn't it crazy how God likes to work with the things that are hardest to control!? Through the trials just know that he is still with you, comforting you along the way! I know it's not easy and we've never actually *met* but I am happy for what God is doing in your life.

Sidenote, I'm in Nampa, ID tonight for the tour I'm on...love it here!

Katie said...

I think there are some things in our lives that we are going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives. For me it is anxiety. For you, maybe it is trich. And while sometimes the cycle continues and you break a little bit, you get back up and you keep on trying. We are not perfect and we never will be on this earth. But the beauty is that someone is there to walk with us on the whole entire journey and make sure that the times we break and struggle, we know that we can make it through and we keep on keeping on and get stronger from it. Thinking of you! You are strong and you will fight through bad days. I know you can.

Hannah Bunker said...

I'm all in! Let's do it! I just caught myself today in the car playing with my hair when I felt my bracelet and was like, "Put your hand down, Hannah, so you can put a bead on it tonight!"

Bead 1, down. Boom. Let's kick it!

Linda said...

You're a very brave woman to write so boldly, and a woman of grace to stand on the promises in the Word. Hang in there Aunie - praying for you.

Nichole said...

Just having the attitude that you do towards trich is what makes you more powerful than IT! Thank you for giving me these tools to pass on to my daughter. She is doing awesome with it too, and I know she is going to be an inspiration to others along the way as well! Kick that trich's behind! ;)

Kateri Von Steal said...

Positivity is so important.
You are so positive in such a heavy situation.


You will get through this.


I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Niki Caron said...

It takes a really strong person to open up so publicly for this. I appreciate your openness. You writing this post alone shows that you are taking steps to overcome this, and that it does not control you. I know you can do this!

Tara Morgan said...

I loved this aunie - thank you so much for sharing. What a wonderful post - thank you for your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable and point it back to Christ.

Annelise Rowe said...

Thank you so much, Nichole! It is so refreshing to me how much you help your daughter. You are a wonderful mother, from all that I've seen! Thank you again for your support :)

Annelise Rowe said...

Thanks Kateri. So blessed to have you as a friend.

Annelise Rowe said...

Thanks Niki! I'm so glad you see that. Yes, this my big step to come out and show how much it's NOT in charge of me, but the hold that it DOES have on me. It's hard, sometimes. But I can do it :)

Annelise Rowe said...

Thank you, Tara. He is the root of all of it, and He is the one who helps the most. I gotta give Him the credit :)

AddThis