Thursday, May 3, 2012

Follow-up from the ASK Vlog

2 posts in one day?
I know. 
Whoa.

But this is something I need to do.

I received one particular comment, from an anonymous "friend" on my ASK VLOG post that I would like to address.
I am sorry to those, you know who you are, who do not want me to talk about this.

First, Anonymous, I didn't mean to not answer your 3 questions.
I actually did answer 2 of them (the third question about religion can be found in my first vlog), but the second got cut off in my 2nd video, about where I see myself in 5 years.
The answer is married and happy... I don't know anymore than that because, one—it hasn't happened yet, and two—I'm working on living day-to-day and with whatever life brings—I'm going to embrace as it comes at me.
And this evening when I get home I'm going to check that video out and see where the missing 3 minutes went. As I said in that post, I never watched the videos so I didn't know that those answers were missing.

Second, I apologize for not answering your other question.
I know I said I would answer every single question that was asked of me, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't. Do you ever think about the possibility that the reason I don't talk extensively about that part of my life is to protect the person, the people, and the identities of those who I hurt?
I have received multiple phone calls from multiple people after posting about my past requesting me to not bring it up AT ALL anymore.
So I try not to.
I don't mention his name for a reason.
It's to protect him.
To let him move on.
Talking about it over and over again not only makes me feel horrible for the mistakes I made and hurt I caused a year ago, but it also doesn't allow me to focus on the present.
I had an amazing 3 years with many friends, including you, that I will NEVER forget—but that doesn't mean I am going to blog about it.

Do you want the answer to your question?
YES.
We still talk. On an as-needed/emergency basis ONLY because that's what I was told.
I would love to see my puppies.
The puppies that I RAISED and had to leave behind.
They were MY BABIES.
I would love to still have a relationship with his incredible mother and wonderful sisters
I would love to still be his friend.
That would mean so much to me—if we could move past everything I did to mess up our lives, to forgive each other for our faults, and to really be happy for each other in our new lives.
But instead?
No.
I'm not allowed to call unless it's an emergency or something really important.
And I was not the one who came up with that plan.
Maybe someday that will change.
I pray for it. For him. For me.

Third, there is not a single day that goes by where I don't think about all the people I hurt.
The decisions I made.
And after all the counseling, medication, therapy, and yes—unhealthy weight loss that occurred as a result of depression, in addition to EVERYONE telling me to move on and not dwell in the past, there comes a time when I have to move on.
I can't change what I did.
But I can try to be a better person now.

Fourth, if you are (or were) my friend as you suggest, please
PLEASE
reach out and call me in person. 
Shoot me a text.
An email.
A letter.
I don't know who you are.
I didn't mean to let our friendship go.
I want to be there for you, and to have you be there for me.
This is not any bull that I'm posting just to make myself look a certain way.
This is me reaching out to you in the only way I know how.

You said you and a lot of my friends are still interested in how my story will end.
THIS IS MY STORY.
It's not over.
Not even close.
I'm turning over new pages in my story each and every day,
and while I remember all my pages from my past,
I don't need to re-read them for everyone else.
I'm not disregarding my past.
I'm telling the story of my present.
And as I turned my heart over to God,
I did not remove my past.
But in Him, I was forgiven for it.
Please, please don't give up on me yet.
And now, I'm asking you to try again.
Let's just talk.
Grab tea, if you're in town.
Or let's just write letters/emails/texts.
I don't care what it is.
But I'm here.
Waiting.
You may not understand or support all of my past (and present) decisions, but let's see where this takes us.
My arms are open.

18 comments:

Danielle said...

I still can't believe that someone from your past had the nerve to write that on your blog yesterday. When I was reading through other comments, I was absolutely shocked by that one. Everyone else who commented on your post from yesterday had nothing but sweet things to say about you and your vlogs.

I am 110% on your side about your past. You faced some really hard times and have learned to move on and be happy. I think that is the most important thing. If Mr/Mrs Anonymous was truly a friend, they would understand that you don't want to rehash the past. You've dealt with it and are moving forward with Daniel.

You are such a strong woman to share so much of your personal life with all of us here on your blog. I alongside many, appreciate that. Just remember you have great friends here who support everything you do. You know I love ya girl. Stay strong and don't let the drama get to you!

SingsTheMagpie said...

<3 stay strong, woman.

CBerry said...

Aunie, you are such a brave and honest blogger. I love that you don't ignore your followers, even the "negative" ones. Obviously, I don't know the story between you and the anonymous "friend" but the situation you're going through and publicly sharing with all of us hold some good lessons for us all.

First, where do you draw that line between what you change and what do you keep because it's a core part of you? This anonymous person seems to disagree with some things about you that I (and I'm sure many other readers) respect about you - you are open and honest, but also respect your own (and others') right to some level of privacy. Your willingness to answer soooo many questions is enough, you don't need to reveal every intimate detail, and those who asked the prying questions should be apologizing, not you as they seem to expect. So, I respect your standing firm on your decisions, while also respecting the anonymous person's feelings.

Another good lesson, which goes along with the first, is who do you let tell you what is right? Your response to this person is so sincere and sweet - a lot more kind than many would be. It seems that your foundation in faith and in yourself allows you to be kind, even in situations like these. Just maintain that strength and know that there will always be naysayers, but not all of them will be right.

Well, that's my 2 (or 50) cents! Have a saucy day!

Kristine Foley @ TheFoleyFam said...

You are one strong lady!! Keep your chin up!! XOXO

Allyson Butler said...

You are seriously one of the sweetest people I "know" from blogging. I love your honesty and your willingness to share with us - even when it's hard. Not that you need all of our "I'm sorrys," but I really am so sorry that someone even thought that an anonymous comment was an appropriate way to approach things. I know what it's like to lose a friend, and I know what it's like to hear crazy things from an anonymous source, and let me just say, that not only are you handling it much better than I did, but your sweet spirit really is a testament to what the Lord is doing in your life.

Allyson
http://cupcakescandycanes.blogspot.com

Daniel said...

Hi Aunie!

The person posting under "anonymous" is not, nor were they ever, a true friend to you. He/She is obviously dealing with his/her own insecurities and doing so in a very cowardly manner. Consider yourself fortunate that you don't have that "friend" in your life any longer.

I love you!

Michelle @ Run Faster Mommy said...

Good for you, Aunie! I admire your strength and courage. I know, to an extent, where you are coming from. My ex and his family are extremely bitter towards me for doing things my way after he decided to divorce me. I truly admire your willingness to sit down and talk to this individual face-to-face. I, myself, am still working on forgiving my ex. Kudos to you!!

Stephanie said...

As usual I am so impressed with your courage and your willingness to tackle an issue head on!

Jennifer said...

I didn't know you'd been through so much in your past--you are deep and ever-evolving.

Anonymous, I am disappointed in your attempt to perhaps embaress or upset Aunie--she's too good for that crap, and (at your age, as I am guessing it is around Aunie's) you should be bigger than that too.

Aunie, keep being honest. But als know that honesty doesn't have to mean pouring all your baggage out there for everyone to know. Honesty means standing up for what you believe in every day, admitting faults and loving yourself. You do all of those perfectly!

God bless and know there are more people who love you than not!

Kristen @ Confessions of a GDS said...

Like you, I can be quite saucy, and if someone were to do what Anonymous did to you, I'm pretty sure I would lose my sh*t and try to teach them a lesson, most likely in a "bitch please" type of way.

But then I read this and think... that would only aggravate me further... they would succeed in pissing me off... they would win.

Your response is a huge example to me to be compassionate towards others, even those who try to bring us down. It's an extremely sincere response, and makes me realize that I need to work on that... to love everyone no matter what they think of me.

I love you girl!!!

Rosie said...

You are a better, more compassionate person than me. Well said. Your response is dignified and open. Love ya, hun. X

Katrine said...

I read the comment from anonymous. This person is not a friend. I think your response to someone who is so bitter is very classy. This quote from Dr. Suess is perfect for this situation: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Meghan said...

I just started following your blog, and I love it. I love your honesty, I love your spunk and while I may not know you very well, you seem to have a great head on your shoulders and I look forward to reading more!

Amber M. said...

You are amazingly brave for even addressing this. I probably would have just deleted the comment and mopped about to myself about it.
I admire you a lot for trying to talk to anonymous.
Just remember, you can't please everyone. Some people will continue to think bad of you no matter how much you explain your side, your thoughts, your reasonings, your opinions, your anything.
Try not to stress too much over it, hun. You are a lovely person and I'd hate to see this bring a frown to your face.

Jamie said...

Thank you so much for sharing. But I think your past is your business and if you don't want to post about it on your blog, you don't have to. It's no ones business but your own. And maybe one day, after more time has passed, you will feel better about talking about it. But in the meantime, you shouldn't feel pressured to spread your personal life across the internet.

Much love!

<3 Jamie

Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire said...

Aunie dear! I've spent the last year mending a broken relationship, and I'm happy to report that, with time and effort, things really can get better. They won't be the same, but they'll be different and good. I hope that this Anonymous friend is willing to work at rekindling and mending your friendship. Life is too short, you know?

You are wonderful, in case you couldn't tell from all of the heartfelt comments you get from everyone on your blog!

Cat said...

I think even if you say you will answer all questions, you shouldn't feel obliged to answer any that will make you, or people you feel about uncomfortable.

Britt said...

Youre amazing girl. Dont let anyone get you down. You dont have to talk about anything you dont want to. Hence the reason for a blog... ughhhhhhhh people are so rude.

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