Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Different.

Photos: Taylor Love Studios // Scarf: Rue 21

I'm the kind of person who has expectations.
Ideas of how this or that will turn out.
How certain things will be.
What will happen.

But what do I do when the outcome is not what I expected?
When things are different?

When you're expecting hot, or at least warm—and you get cold.
When you want to hear just a couple simple words—and you get none.
When time is all you need—and you're facing a closed door.
When you ask for answers—and don't receive a reply.

I know I'm not the only one this happens to.

Is it because I set the bar too high?
Is it because I'm looking for a sense of perfection?
Why do I set myself up like this?

Because I'm me.
I've always been the one
who "looks for greener grass."
Who gets told I'm too critical.
 Who tries so hard to make things right.
Who gets sad so easily.
Who worries.
Who overthinks.
Who has an open heart...
and who is finding out that when your heart is open, it can be vulnerable.

No matter what situation I'm dealt,
I can't change anything once it's done.
If it doesn't meet my expectations and turns out differently,
there's really nothing I can do...

Yet, there is one thing.
This is when I pray for myself.
I pray for my outlook to change.
I pray for protection and guidance.
For a peace and serenity for myself to 
accept things as they are.

I can't change others.
But I can change myself.

"Today, I pray for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."

28 comments:

Miranda @ All Things Lovely said...

Your writing is always so beautiful! I have this feeling a lot lately ever since I've been trying to find the start to my career. Keep your head up, pretty girl :)

Sierra said...

I know this feeling all too well, sweetie. Expectations for other people, in my mind, do not seem high. yet, others are always continuously telling me to lower them. That if I continue to have these expectations (which seem more like common sense to me, ya know?) that I am going to keep getting let down.
just remember that you cannot change what other people do, only how you react.
And also remember that it's okay to care. It just means you have a huge heart. :)
hope all is well.
xoxo,
SierraJust found your blog and I love it!
xoxo,
Sierra
Oh, Just Living the Dream

Elisha said...

I LOVE YOU AUNIE! You are just so inspiring!
I SO get those days when things go unexpected.. But I love how you said you push through.
xo

Ashlie said...

Reading your post, made me think of myself. I have come to realize lately, that I'm a perfectionist and I try my hardest to make everything right, make people happy, and I'm also too focused on the future. I think my mind is in overdrive and I need to slow down. I LOVE the scripture you added at the end.Prayer and faith in God is the only thing and the BEST thing!

hotmesscoolday said...

I definitely know what you're talking about. It's because of things I need to change that I got into a car accident last night. It's called an accident for a reason but it's still another thing I've been neglectful/absent-minded towards. I'm not religious, but maybe it's something to become familiar with. I definitely need help with helping myself.

Cody Doll said...

I am like that too. But just as you are I am learning a growing. Coming to understanding that it is okay if it didn't turn out the way you thought. I hope that your prayers will be answered.

Cody @Solemn Sound

Lily said...

It's like whenever I need an encouraging or inspiring word, I know I can come to your blog. Thank you Aunie.

gladley said...

Ditto Miranda. Having moved from the UK to the USA I've had to take a step back in my career and gaining a foothold here has been really difficult. I'm still truckin' onwards: Aunie, keep on trucking too!

Lauren said...

Oh that word "expectations" really gets me. I wonder about my "bar" and I wonder about things that I thought would go a certain way in my life. Alas, people tend to fail you don't they?

I'm so glad that when I feel at a loss, that I serve a God who never fails or leaves.

Lauren

Emilie Bordeleau-Laroche said...

This is a beautiful post!
I can relate all too well.
Thank you.

Amanda @ Eloquent English said...

That scarf picture is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chelsea said...

I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for writing these words at exactly the right time. :-)

Mary Davis said...

We need those times, to pray for ourself. I think that says it perfectly- we all feel inadequate and down on ourself over various reasons, but it's because we need to believe in us.

Aurelie D. said...

what a beautiful reflection on a topic a lot of us--myself included--suffer from. As always thanks for sharing your input with us :)
...and i love the serenity prayer. it is one of my favorites.

Kiki said...

This was sooo wonderfully written. And the perfect read for me right now. I really really really loved the ending. "I can't change others but I can change myself." That was my favorite teacher's motto and it was so nice to hear it again (even if I was reading/saying it to myself).

I find so much of me in you (except you're way prettier!) so it's always refreshing + comforting to read your blog. Thank you!

Elle Blair said...

I can TOTALLY relate! I have always been a planner since I could talk. Even when I went to birthday parties as a 4yr old, I would cry afterwards because I had pre-planned in my head how I thought it would turn out, and when it didn't, I was always sad. I have found myself saying that same exact prayer because it is my sinners instinct to think I have control of my life, when I should just let it go and give it all to God. As I am still learning everyday what God has in store for me, I always remember that what he has for me is much greater than any of my expectations and plans. Thank you for all your posts! You are truly an inspiration!

Carrie Johnson said...

Hi Aunie, I visited your blog a lot. I really like your writing, your words, the way you express yourself, which is I'm not good at. All of us got expectations, but those expectations turned me down so badly. I have so much to say, to shout, but I'm not good at expressing myself with words just like how well you did. So I just bury them deep in my heart.

Annie said...

i love this post, Aunie. these are the times I pray, too, asking for grace for myself and for others.

Julie Marie said...

i love this Aunie. im alot like this too. i sorta wear my heart on my sleeve, expecting others to do the same with me or at least get me. Sometimes I dont feel like i expect alot, i expect normality in a situation..but then i dont get it, and i question if what i expected was too much? i honestly dont think so, but what you said is true. you cant change what happens, make others do what you would expect, etc...so all we can do is pray that God can change us somehow, that we can learn to accept that not everyone is like us. i really love this. it made so much sense.

Cat said...

I love reading your stuff Aunie, it's always so full of feeling and meaning. Awesome shoes too

Kristen @ KV Confessions said...

Great post friend! I try to let expectations go, but they're always lingering... you're right, I can't change anything but myself in those situations. I had to learn the hard way that the grass is greener where you water it.

Jenna said...

Beautiful post! It definitely spoke right to my heart. Thank you for posting it!

And the serenity prayer is one of my absolute favorites.

Rachael Farris said...

Look at those lashes girl!! You look fab!

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