Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Journey

You know what I've realized?
We are all on a journey.
Making our way down that road...
filled with speed bumps, potholes, stop signs, and traffic lights that we can't control. 
And no matter where we're going—
we're going somewhere.

In June, I shared that I feel things are changing inside of me.

That's especially true about me feeling less outspoken.
About me being not as loud.
About me wanting to be a listener.
It's also true that I take more to heart.
That I have feelings that stir deep inside of me.

And lately, all I want to do is share those feelings.
You know the saying that you "wear your heart on your sleeve?"
I speak it, write it, and live it every moment.
It's not on my sleeve, it's out there for everyone to see, to hear, to read, to feel.

Little by little I'm beginning to realize my true burden.
Some have a burden for community service.
Some desire to help children.
Some want to be prophets, pastors, or leaders.
I have a burden to share my heart.

So, what's on my heart?
So many things.
In fact, thank you for those of you who "voted" to have me write an "on my heart" today.
 Makeup came in a close second... but honestly?
This feels so good to get off my chest.

I think often about what brought me to where I am today.
I wouldn't say it's living in the past, or not letting go.
It's learning from mistakes, and wanting to share my story to help others.
And no, I'm not going to just stop talking about it.
It's a story that needs to be told. 
All of my past experiences made me who I am—
a beautiful, God-loving, respectful and kind-hearted person.

I'm learning about compassion, and acceptance.
I'll admit, I'm the first person to cast judgement and harbor negative thoughts.
It's a major flaw.
I'm finding out that those feelings and thoughts stem from my own feelings about myself.
I pray about it often and try my hardest to cast those thoughts away.

I'm in a constant battle with myself to control my frustration.
This is the biggest thing on my plate right now.
You know those things that you have absolutely no control over?
You play a waiting game until they happen?
I'd say that I'm dealing with a million of those right now.
And it's frustrating that it's frustrating to me.
I just want to know.
I just want to have it happen (if it's His will).
I just don't want to wait any more.
And no matter how frustrated I get, it won't change the outcome of any of them.
So why waste my time with frustration at all?
I can't tell you why I do it... but I'm working on it.

And there it is.
The "aaahhh" sigh of relief.
I got it out.
I let it go.
And it feels so good.

Once in a while,
it's so refreshing to breathe.
To take a moment to relax.
To look back and reflect.
And then pray for the future.

Because no matter which way I'm headed,
I know it's all going to be okay.
It's all going to be beautiful.
It's all part of the journey.

Aunie Sauce


Elisha said...

You are gorgeous, Aunie. <3

Selma said...

That is a beautiful post, and I'm glad I voted for your heart ;) This is also what helps make the Internet a much more human place! Thanks a lot for sharing.

Raeven said...

You are beautiful, and I absolutely love your "from the heart" posts. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

Unknown said...

Agreed - it can be hard to wait it out or have patience when the said journey becomes a bit longer than expected. Well said, wishing you the best! xo

Lyndsay Loves It said...

I'm so glad I voted for on your heart. Beautiful. :)

Tanya said...

I love this Aunie. Such a good way to look at things. I am also currently waiting on some things that I can't control and it is frustrating. But in the end everything works out for the best. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out!

Danielle said...

I can't tell you how happy it made me today seeing that you went with the On My Heart post! It's such a great way to reflect on what's happening and it will all work out just fine darling!

Priya said...

I totally hear you when you say it's frustrating for you to be frustrated. A lot of times I focus on things that happen that I can't control, and I let them upset me for way too long. I guess I have a problem letting things go. And then I get upset with myself for being upset. I'm still totally working through that, but some good advice I've gotten is to acknowledge the problem, get myself in check, and then put it away. Anyway, I appreciate reading your honestly, and I feel ya Aunie!

perfectly priya

LeroyLime said...

BEAUTIFULLY written, I have tears! sniff...enjoy your journey, cause no matter what. It's yours and you've got to OWN it girl! Love the pics and it's a good thing you didn't listen to my twitter vote, haha!! :)

Chloe Innvaer said...

So beautiful and JUST what I needed to hear today! Ahhhh no matter what it is ALL in God's hands, and I need not worry! I think I am going to have a quick prayer right now!

Allyssa said...

This is why your blog is one of my favorites! You're so honest and open. Beautifully written :)

Unexpected Happiness said...

Thank you Aunie for sharing. It's nice to know you're not alone and that they're others out there that are daily dealing with some of the same things you are. xo

Jess said...

Always love your heart posts :)
Because I can usually relate to them...and this one was no exception!

This part,
"Once in a while,
it's so refreshing to breathe.
To take a moment to relax.
To look back and reflect.
And then pray for the future."

...really hit home.

Thanks for being real, always.
You're incredible!


Ameera (أميرة) said...

So cool to hear about your journey and what God is doing in your life :) It's so encouraging!

Kristal said...

Love this, beautifully written.

Cassie @ Live.Laugh.L0ve. said...

Absolutely beautiful post. Your words flowed so good. I heard a quote somewhere once and I don't remember who it's by but it stuck with me, "sometime's it not about the happy ending, sometimes it's about the journey" & I couldn't agree more! I'm so glad you did an on my heart post. love, love, love!

Unknown said...

Love the photos and honesty!
Sometimes it feels like such a burden to wear my heart on my sleeve. I often run from that idea!

Ladies Holiday said...

Firstly- your description (don't have cute babies, don't diy, hilarious!)
Secondly- your candid approach to this post is pretty superb.
Thirdly- I'm just glad to have found your blog (followed link from Wiegands) it is always a pleasure to connect with new blogs! Just when you think you've read them all- you stumble upon a gem.


Annie said...

amen, Aunie. we have to tell our stories and be real with each other if we want to sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron, for our good and His matchless glory. and I'm thankful, so thankful, you're willing to be open and honest about your story, because it encourages me.

have you heard of jessi connolly's ebook be quiet and say something? i think you would like it. (disclaimer: i make this recommendation based on having read half of it so far - but seriously, that half has been amazing.)

Unknown said...

I agree, but I think that's just what makes us all human <3 Frustration is definitely part of something that we can control. It just takes time, practice and maturity to find that feeling of zen.

Tara said...

I love all that you share - thank you for your honesty.

I am a talker and spend my life praying through and talking about these things - how do we learn to listen? how do we learn to love people and balance the fact that we like to talk and yet, also need to listen? And also the fact that when we listen it loves people so well and that is an amazing feeling.

I'm not sure this made sense but I somehow wanted to say I loved this post, I love your heart and if you ever feel like working through these issues I love to email about this topic!

Rebecca said...

This post spoke my mind! Without knowing the details of what you are going through and not knowing (I will be reading more, I promise) who you are, I feel like saying that we are in similar situations and going through similar personal and emotional changes...which may very well be very different. It is nice to read a true and yet encouraging post like this. Things will be ok, for all of us, but sometimes, we need to hear it from someone who is in a similar spot!

I'm sticking around - new follower :)